Let it be known that I love owls. Not only do I love them, but I’m rather particular as to which owls are deserving of my undying and everlasting love. I generally see two types of them out in the franchised wild: The “SCREEEECH IMMA GONNA EAT YA” owls, and then the fat, happy, & incredibly stupid looking owls. This list is mainly comprised of the later. Here you’ll find 30 owl items from across the vast internets ranging from clothing & accessories to kitchenware, all for the owl lover in your life.

1. Owl With Skull Tee Shirt
Price $25.00

Owls… meets pirates. Two of my favorite things, united at last as a t-shirt.

2. Not So Cute Shirt
Price CAD $18.99

Considering that my “young” right now consists of a shivering, googly-eyed chihuahua… there’s probably a lot of truth to this shirt.

3. White Owl Aboard Brief
Price $8
Nothing sets the mood like slowly taking off your clothes to reveal a peg-legged, hook-wielding dwarf pirate owl beckoning a plundering to your booty. Nothing.

4. St. Paul Obtb
Price $79
Owls on shoes are like racing stripes on cars– It’ll make it seem like you’re going faster.

5. Owl Rain Boot
Price $58

Owl rain boots. Because your obsession should still be clearly visible in the midst of a hurricane.

6. SockGuy Women’s 2in Wise Owl Cycling/Running Socks
Price $8.99
Key feature: Notice the “hoooooooooo” on the bottom of the foot. Now you can let your feet do your hooting.

7. Owl Through the Night Scarf
Price $39.99
Has your neck ever been cold? Do you wish that owls looked more like trilobytes? Then this is the accessory for you.

8. Owl Necklace
Price $20
Yes, that really is an owl.

9. Stamp of Approv-owl Ring
Price $11.99
This is the type of ring that makes me wish we still used wax to seal envelopes. (Or heck, analog paper.)

10. Hoot for Loot Wallet
Price $19.99
Owl wallets are perfect for holding Hello Kitty bank cards.

11. Candy Frame Owl
Price $25
I like to think this is a happy fat owl that has eaten its fill of all of my change.

12. Hooty Owl Shagware Purse
Price

13. Circo Love & Nature Bed in a Bag – Twin
Price $55
This set is actually available in Target, along with a matching line of other bedroom accessories such as drapes, lamps, etc.

14. Circo Love & Nature Owl Pillow
Price
This owl pillow is actually part of the above set, but it was too adorable to not be featured on its own.

15. Circo Love & Nature Owl Bank – Pink
Price $12.34
Another way to save up for more owl kitsch.

16. Owl Hoot Collection
Price various
K-Mart (yes, they’re still open) has an entire owl bathroom set, including bath mats, trash cans, shower curtain (and clips!), liquid soap pump, and more.

17. Owl Serving Dish
Price $11.99
For the elegant dinner party host, an owl serving dish.

18. Tag Turning Leaves Collection Owl Salt and Pepper
Price $12.95
Thanksgiving is coming. You could probably pass these off as turkeys for most of the dinner before anyone catches on.

19. Owl Lotion Pump
Price: $6.49
I’m sure you could fit liquid cheese in this thing too. OWLS ARE VERSATILE.

20. Owling Sake Pot
Price $28
I’ve seen these in Anthropologie stores, along with a white “snow owl” set too. Adorable. Fat. Owls.

21. Owl Serving Pitcher
Price $18
Finally, you can water your plants out of an owl.

22. Enchanted Tree
Price
Sure, it’s not owl wallpaper, but it’s better this way. Trust me.

23. Little Owl Decal
Price Various

An individual owl to place in those hard to reach places. Would look great along with a nice tree decal or two.

24. Breast Cancer Figurine: Give a Hoot for Hope
Price $19.99
I had to include this because the feathers on her head are shaped like hearts.

25. Owl Quirkeys Key Covers
Price $4.99
Try not to imagine that these owls are pooping out your keys– just believe they are clutching them behind their backs.

26. Owl Journal
Price $10
Now you too can feel confident reciting your original written creations at the local poetry slam.

27. USB Owl
Price $19.99
I actually have the pink one. It’s unyielding eyes peer into your very soul.

28. Owsley Owlbert USB Drive
$24.95
I for one welcome our evil robot owl overlords.

29. Hooty Owl Electronics Collection
Price $79
Travel with your laptop in owl style. (I’m obviously running low on wit now.)

30. The Enamored Owl Laptop Skin
Price $29.95
I have this skin on my brown/copper Acer netbook, which I lovingly dub the Owlbook and the Hoot-top. I can’t recommend Gela-skins enough– they also have skins for iPhones, iPods, and other electronics.

Thus concludes this owl holiday shopping guide. If there’s some other adorable, ridiculous owl product out there, please don’t hesitate to share.